What NOT to do During Tartan Week NYC 2016!

Scottish Bartenders Stop Wearing Kilts Because Women Won’t Stop Groping Them
By Stefan Sirucek, Death and Taxes

A group of bartenders at a pub in Scotland has gone on a kilt-strike, refusing to wear the traditional tartan skirt because women won’t stop groping them and peeking under the hood. In addition to lifting up their kilts to see if they’re wearing underwear, rowdy female patrons have allegedly groped the bartenders on their genitals.

It seems the employees of the excellently-named Hootananny pub in Inverness, Scotland, have just about had it with harassment from the aggressive skirt-chasers. Take it easy, ladies. This isn’t O’Nutters. Hootananny’s is a place for appreciating Celtic music and drink, not Celtic ballsacks.

According to assistant manager Iain Howie, the hordes of rowdy women think nothing of lifting a barkeep’s kilt in order to see just how Scottish he is — in other words whether he goes commando sub-kilt. As he told the Inverness Courier (via Yahoo):

”You get large groups of drinking women circling around when you are collecting glasses and asking whether you are true Scotsman – and they find out for themselves.”

According to Howie, the first few times it’s “funny,” but the unwanted kilt-lifting quickly makes the employees feel vulnerable.

The bar’s owner, Kit Fraser, was less forgiving, calling the behavior “pure sexism.”

“Can you imagine if I went into a restaurant and stuck my hand up a girl’s skirt? I would be taken to the police station and rightly so,” said Fraser.

 “I look after my customers but equally important are my staff.”

Like any good boss, Fraser is looking out for his staff (as well as their staves). And he makes a good point. Were the genders reversed these public gropings wouldn’t be seen as harmless flirtation but as obvious sexual assault.

Commenting on the story, Reddit users shared similar tales of kilt-related overreach that suggests such harassment may be a common occurrence for kilt-wearers. According to one:

“I never go true [“commando”, presumably] in my kilt, anymore, for the very reason that women and children check. The most recent incident was a woman at a beer festival who lifted my kilt very high near the bathroom line. When I objected, she said, “It’s OK. I always check.”

 Well thanks to these handsy women the dream of being served beer and chips by a man in a skirt is over.  You brought this on yourselves, ladies. You could have gawked at shapely Scottish calves all day long but you had to go and ruin it.

Prepare for a world of pants.

BEHAVE YOURSELVES, LASSES!